


When the Light Bleeds In

by salvadore



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Character Study, Childhood Friends, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Exes, Gen, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Miscommunication, Post-Kingdom Hearts III, Pre-Epilogue, Recovery
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-11
Updated: 2019-07-11
Packaged: 2020-06-24 23:15:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19733653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/salvadore/pseuds/salvadore
Summary: The war is over, and Isa has his heart and a new lease on life. But hearts are messier than Saïx remembered. They can be demanding, and they can be unkind.If he and Lea want to find their way back to each other - they're going to have to work for it.





	When the Light Bleeds In

For a moment Saïx wonders if this is all a dream. Or an afterlife. Or worst of all, though far more likely, hell. 

He awakens from a dream about Lea crying to find Ienzo is standing over him. His gaze is steady and fixed on Saїx. At least he thinks it’s _Ienzo_ and not his nobody. He hopes it is; the last time Saїx saw Zexion was before Castle Oblivion. 

Ienzo reaches for him, and there’s a moment of panic, and Saïx flinches. He flexes his fingers, searching for the safety of his claymore, but all his fingers catch on is the thin material of hospital grade sheets. He wishes he couldn’t so easily recognize them as the kind used in Ansem’s castle. 

Empty handed and unsure, Saïx feels pessimistic about the situation. 

He wants to ask if Ienzo knows - if Ienzo is real - where they are. Maybe with that information he could get his bearings. But Ienzo reaches for him again, and when Saïx flinches this time it’s because he can feel his heart begins to hammer in his chest. It’s racing without him knowing how to stop it - and how could he? It had been so long since he had one. 

Saïx lightly touches his fingers to his chest. He can feel it under his touch and ringing in his ears. He’s filled with disbelief, bordering on awe even as his breath quickens and he feels like something burns it’s way up through his throat. 

Ienzo reaches out a third time, and this time manges to wrap fingers around Saïx’s wrist without resistance. Ienzo stares steadfastly at his pocket watch, taking his pulse. It’s only two fingers and the circle of his thumb around the vulnerable bones of his wrist. But it’s grounding. Saïx feels safe even as he chokes for air. 

“It’s a panic attack,” Ienzo says. “Try to breathe.” 

* * *

It’s the cool air of the lab that wakes Saïx up hours later, but it’s the pain of lingering injuries that keeps him awake. 

He twists his fingers in the unfamiliar shirt someone has dressed him in. He clenches the fabric as tight between his fingers as he can, trying to crush it and distract from the sudden pain. But it doesn’t help relieve the ache in his ribs. He hopes they’re not broken, that will slow him down, but breathing is suspiciously hard. Carefully as he can, Saïx sits up, cradling his forearm against stomach as though the light pressure will keep his insides where they belong. Saïx inhales a sharp breath through his teeth. He’s not sure he wouldn’t be better off without them. 

He tries to control his breathing, trying not to draw attention. He knows from familiarity that he is in the lab, and that it’s historically unsafe. There are privacy screens set up around the perimeter of the bed; no one can see that he’s up yet, but they’ll hear him if he’s not careful. No matter how injured, everyone in the Organization knew better than to call Zexion or Vexen’s medical attention. 

And then he remembers. This time Xigbar hadn’t gotten to his scattered pieces first. It had been Ienzo - not Zexion - staring down at him with clear, blue eyes when he woke up recompleted. His heart had been pounding in his chest, like it is now, and Ienzo had stopped counting his rapid pulse to repeat himself. He had curled his fingers around Saïx's hand, holding it gently as he instructed Saïx to match his breathing. And it had been the care in his voice that reassured Saïx that it was Ienzo, heart and all, and not Zexion. Ienzo had held his hand until Saïx had calmed and succumbed to unconsciousness again. 

Saïx runs his thumb in a line up and down his side, trying to soothe himself as his memories come back to him. 

Saïx remembers the Keyblade Graveyard, and the blows from the Keyblade Wielders that had him staggering to his knees. He wonders how damaged he is under the borrowed clothing. Then he wonders: Who changed him into these new clothes? Where had his coat gone?

What he remembers most is Lea's eyes. In the Graveyard he was crying, and it had been the greatest surprise of all that Lea still had tears to shed for him. 

He’s distracted by the memory of reaching out to Lea. He remembers his last thought being: if only he could touch Lea’s cheek, then he could wipe those tears away. His chest was filled to burst with things left unsaid. He almost thinks of them again when the partition moves, and Ienzo interrupts his memories. 

"Good. You're awake," Ienzo says. He has a tray with a potion on it, something that will likely help with the pain, and Saïx finds he is grateful. The emotion floors him. It’s been a long time since he’s felt anything that wasn’t a negative emotion. The closest is when he thinks of Lea, and his feelings are at their best complicated. 

Saïx doesn't take the clipped way Ienzo greets him as an insult. He knows he’s earned Ienzo’s chilliness, so Saïx tries to break that ice. He takes a page from Lea’s book and attempts to sound wry when he replies, “For what it’s worth. I appear to have returned to the land of the living, if rather battered by the journey.” 

To his own ears, his voice is rough and his tone too flat. It doesn’t carry the humor he intended, and he fears that it sounds pointed and accusing. As if he is still doling out assignments and Zexion had performed poorly. 

Saïx winces. He clears his throat, and decides action will speak louder than words, and tries to smile when he adds, “Thank you.” 

Ienzo still wears his bangs long and obstructing his view. When Saїx catches his gaze, it’s with Ienzo’s one visible eye for a split second before Ienzo’s gaze trails away. He focuses on the potion and the tray, and another emotion Saïx has not felt in a long time grips his chest: anxiety. 

“It will help,” Ienzo says as he hands the potion over. 

Saïx doesn’t expect his hands to shake, but they do and the potion is nearly tipped over onto the sheets. Ienzo holds it until Saïx can hold it firmly with both hands even though it means their fingers brush. 

“The body takes time to readjust,” Ienzo says. “You might find it’s a few days before you feel steady.” 

Saïx wants to ask if that’s what it was like for him. But the words catch on his tongue, cumbersome and unwilling to leave his lips. Then the partition moves again and they’re interrupted by Even. 

Like Ienzo, Even has returned to the uniform he wore before. The lab coat he’s wearing is pressed, as are his slacks and his dress shirt. His shoes are even shined. To look at him, Saïx feels sent back in time to the Radiant Garden of his youth. Everyone knew of Ansem’s apprentices and their important work in the castle. The admiration had left many citizens of Radiant Garden eager for Ansem's attention. Some hoped to join the apprentices' ranks through academic prowess. Others hoped to do so by proving themselves in the guards and earning a position at the keep. 

Only Lea had been foolhardy enough to suggest sneaking in. To his credit, it had been the fastest route. 

The only thing more complicated than thinking about Lea in the Graveyard is thinking about Lea from before. Especially now that Saїx can feel the emotion it evokes in him. 

“You’re awake,” Even says. He shoves his hands in his pockets and seems to look at him with consideration. Saïx can’t tell from his expression if he thinks it’s a good thing that he's awake. 

“How long was I asleep?”

Even shares a look with Ienzo, but gives nothing away . 

“Days,” he says. 

“Is that unusual?” 

“It hasn’t been the norm for the rest of us, no.” 

Saїx is careful not to jump at the suggestion in what Even says. Something inside him says to stay careful. Not to let himself have expectations. To not ask Even who all he is referring to.

“Your awakening was strange enough that I’d like to keep you in the lab overnight to evaluate you. I suspect you will be fine from here on out, but the science of re-completion is a mystery to us. I’d rather be sure.” 

“I’ll defer to your recommendation.” 

Even has Saïx remove the shirt he’s wearing, it makes him feel too vulnerable. It takes Ienzo’s help to get the shirt off, and then Saïx can see the full extent of damage. There are yellow and green bruises healing across his arms and chest; it’s a map of every hit he took. A physical reminder of his defeat. 

The worst, however, is the fresh pink of the jagged scar that swings upward from his ribs to the center of his chest. That’s what had made him ache to move and feel as though his insides were battered. At the look of it, Saïx knows it was from a blade. This was the wound that had ended him. 

"We’ve learned these wounds don’t fade, but Ienzo can get a salve that will help with the pain until it recedes naturally,” Even says. 

Ienzo doesn’t wait for Saïx to reply. He slips through the partition with a nod to Even. 

Left alone together, the silence grows until Saïx breaks it.

“I was asleep for a few days?” 

“Yes.” 

“How many? The bruising is fairly healed despite it being very deep.” 

Even’s gaze follows the path of the scar from Saїx’s left side “Maybe it was a week. Now stop talking for a moment.” 

It’s quiet while Even checks Saïx over. He only speaks to give instructions. He reminds Saïx to breath in deeply when he presses the stethoscope to Saïx’s bare skin. It’s cold to the touch and draws a shiver down Saïx’s back. Even notices, and a soft, “Sorry,” escapes his lips. 

When Even sits back, seemingly satisfied with his observations, Saїx reaches for the topic of their scheme. It lies large and looming between them, and Saïx can’t wait any longer for Even to bring it up. 

“You being here,” Saїx says. “Should I take that to mean the plan was successful?” 

“We’ve recovered most. Roxas, Xion. They’re working with Ansem and the Keyblade Wielders now. Riku came for Naminé while you slept.”

Saïx feels awash with relief. He tries not to show it. “Demyx was as helpful as you thought he might be then.”

“Rather smug about it actually. But yes, to his credit he did play his role.” 

Saїx digs crescent moons into his palms, and words he doesn’t mean to say escape him. . 

“Do you think it helped? Paid back some of the bad we did? Or is that a selfish question?” 

Even looks surprised by the question. He sits too still for a moment before a frown settles on his face. 

“I don’t know. Xemnas inflicted a lot of harm, but I was one of the early members in the Organization, you know. I was Vexen for a long time. And I inflicted a lot of harm too.” 

The way Even is looking at him, Saïx can’t help wondering if Even sees Isa. When he looks at Saïx, does Even see the kid that showed up, wanting to be an apprentice? Did he ever feel something watching him grow into Saïx?

“I let a lot happen. I suspect I’ll always be working to make up for it.” 

Saïx’s heart twists like wet paper and it’s hard to breathe. Saïx digs his nails in deeper, willing Even not to bring it up. It makes him uncomfortable at the idea of sitting through such a conversation. It would be too much to soon to broach the tragic history between them. It would mean discussing Vexen’s death and the role he played, and he's not ready. 

Anxiety turns his stomach.

But Even doesn’t say anything more suggestive. What he says is, “I’ll have Dilan bring you some calming tea. I know you’ve just awoken, but you’ll need more rest to heal your wounds.” And then he leaves. 

After a night of supervision, Even is true to his word. He has Dilan help Saïx move to a guest room with a view overlooking the restoration of Radiant Garden. 

Many of the fountains have been fixed and they are set to glow at night. The water glitters the way he remembers, echoing the stars that make up the sky above Radiant Garden. The green of the gardens herald the flowers that will bloom come spring. It’s a nice view. And Saïx prefers it to the partitions in the labs or the endlessness that had stretched outside the windows in the Castle that Never Was. But being trapped to one room fills Saïx with restlessness. And an anxiety that turns his stomach. 

If Saïx was honest with himself, he hadn’t expected to make it back. He had all but given up after the failed attempt to summon Kingdom Hearts - when Sora had struck him down and he’d awoken, not with Lea, but to Xemnas. It had been it’s own torment to wake up painfully heart-free. Xehanort’s expectation that he would accept his place as a member of the true Organization XIII had been all too clear. 

Saïx doubts that Xemnas won’t be searching for him. He wonders how long he has this time. Before they come for him again. 

It’s a fear that he voices unexpectedly one morning after Ienzo asks him what he wants to do. 

“If you wanted, Even and I could find work for you in the lab,” Ienzo offers. 

They are sharing tea in the kitchen. Ienzo had caught him wandering the halls and had invited Saïx to join him.

“I’m not sure giving me access would be safe,” Saïx admits. “If Xigbar is sent to retrieve me again - “ He trails off, surprised. It slipped out without him meaning to, but it’s a testament to how comfortable he’s starting to feel with Ienzo. So far, he has been the most in tune with Saïx’s restlessness. 

“What do you mean?” Ienzo asks.

“I wouldn’t want you compromised should I be reclaimed again for Xehanort’s true organization,” he says. He tries to be reassuring and not reveal his panic at the possibility.

The kitchen is quiet. Ienzo stills with his tea cup half raised to his lips, and Saïx drops eye contact to stare at the steam. He wondered if it was a discomfort to Ienzo to hear those names, especially from him. 

“I’m sorry, Isa,” Ienzo says. The apology and the slip of his old name are enough to startle Saïx. He looks up, back into Ienzo’s eyes. He’s looking at him the same way Even did. 

“I thought you knew. Xehanort is gone.”


End file.
